How Do You Handles Issues and Conflict at Work?

Try not to jump to conclusions about other people’s intent

Human beings tend to assume the worst intent of the people that we’re arguing or disagreeing with. So remind yourselves to give them the benefit of the doubt, that they’re not a no-good rotten scoundrel, that they really probably want the same thing that we do. Oxytocin is a bonding hormone that builds trust and familiarity. Oftentimes, when we’re discussing something with someone, if we’re disagreeing with them, what can help them most is helping them make sure that they feel heard.

How is a senior software engineer supposed to answer the question “How do you deal with conflict at work?”

A senior software engineer is expected to demonstrate maturity, problem-solving skills, and leadership qualities when answering this question. Their answer should reflect experience and a constructive approach.

Here’s how a senior software engineer should aim to answer, along with key components:

1. Acknowledge Conflict as Normal and Sometimes Healthy:

   • Conflict is common in software development and more generally in a close working, collaborative environment.
   • Start by acknowledging that disagreements are natural in a collaborative environment, especially when dealing with complex technical problems and passionate individuals.
   • You get personality clashes in a team. Some people just don’t get on. Differences of opinion about design are as nothing compared to the internecine strife over these stupid things that developers have internalized (differently) as reflex. People will fight to the death to defend their reflexes.
     • It gets so bad that the people concerned use email to speak to each other, or at worst just don’t talk.
     • There’s also cliques, where one group of people anoints themselves the chosen ones and bring down the rest behind their back.
   • Frame some conflict (like vigorous technical debate) as potentially positive if handled correctly, as it can lead to better solutions.

2. Emphasize Proactive and Early Intervention:

   • “My first step is usually to try and address potential conflicts early, before they escalate.”
   • “I believe in open communication and creating an environment where differing opinions can be voiced respectfully.”

3. Focus on Understanding and Empathy:

   • I make an effort to understand the other person’s perspective.
   • This means active listening, asking clarifying questions, and trying to see the issue from their viewpoint.
   • Often, conflicts arise from misunderstandings or different priorities, so getting clarity is crucial.

4. Stress Direct, Respectful, and Private Communication (Initially):

   • “I prefer to discuss the issue directly and privately with the person involved. I focus on the problem or the behavior, not the person.”
   • “I aim for a calm, professional discussion, using ‘I’ statements to express my concerns (e.g., ‘I’m concerned that this approach might lead to X’) rather than accusatory language.”

5. Use Data and Logic (Especially for Technical Conflicts):

   • For technical disagreements, I try to bring data, evidence, or objective criteria to the discussion.
   • I do this by discussing performance metrics, maintainability trade-offs, or architectural principles.
   • If we’re debating a technical approach, I might suggest a quick proof-of-concept or a pros/cons list for different options to make an informed decision.

6. Seek Common Ground and Collaborative Solutions:

   • My goal is to find the best path forward for the team and the project that is also a mutually agreeable solution for the team.
   • I look for shared objectives and common ground.
   • I’m open to brainstorming alternative solutions together. It’s often about finding a ‘win-win’ or the best compromise.

7. Know When and How to Escalate (Appropriately):

   • “If a direct discussion doesn’t resolve the issue, or if the conflict is impacting the team’s productivity or morale significantly, I would then consider involving a tech lead, manager, or another relevant party.”
   • “When escalating, I would present the situation factually and calmly, outlining the different perspectives and the attempts made to resolve it.”
   • Senior nuance: As a senior, you might also be the person others come to for mediation, or you might be the one deciding if an escalation is needed for others.

8. Highlight the importance of Showing Willingness to Compromise and Learn:

   • “I’m willing to compromise if it doesn’t sacrifice core principles or project goals. Sometimes, my initial stance isn’t the best one.”
   • “I also see conflicts as learning opportunities – about different perspectives, communication styles, or even technical solutions.”

9. Provide a Concrete Example (STAR Method):

   • **S**ituation: Briefly describe a past conflict.
   • **T**ask: What was your role/goal in resolving it?
   • **A**ction: What specific steps did you take (aligning with the principles above)?
   • **R**esult: What was the outcome? What did you learn?
   • Example teaser:
     • “For instance, I once had a disagreement with a colleague about the best database schema for a new feature. They favored a highly normalized approach for data integrity, while I was concerned about query performance…”
     • After providing an example, explain how you discussed pros/cons, maybe looked at query patterns, and reached a balanced solution.
     • TODO - add more examples of conflicts

What to Avoid:

1. Saying you avoid conflict (it shows a lack of engagement or assertiveness).
2. Describing a conflict where you were clearly “right” and the other person was “wrong” without showing empathy or a collaborative approach.
3. Focusing on blame or getting emotional.
4. Suggesting you immediately go to a manager without trying to resolve it yourself.
5. Sounding like a pushover or, conversely, overly aggressive.

Example Answer Structure:

“Conflict is a natural part of working in a team, especially when you have passionate people working on complex problems. My general approach is to address it constructively and professionally.

First, I try to understand the root of the disagreement by listening carefully to the other person’s perspective and asking clarifying questions. Often, just ensuring everyone feels heard can de-escalate things.

Then, I prefer to discuss the issue directly and privately with the individual(s) involved. I focus on the specific issue or technical challenge, not on personalities, and I’ll present my viewpoint using facts and data where possible. For example, if it’s a technical disagreement, I might share benchmarks or design documents to support my reasoning.

The goal is always to find the best solution for the project and the team. This often involves looking for common ground, brainstorming alternatives, and being open to compromise. As a senior engineer, I also recognize that sometimes the best technical solution isn’t my initial idea, and I’m open to being persuaded by a better argument.

If we can’t reach a resolution directly, or if the issue is significantly impacting the team, I’d then consider involving our tech lead or manager to help mediate or provide a decision, ensuring I present the situation fairly from all angles.

For instance, [brief STAR example of a technical or process disagreement and how you handled it collaboratively, focusing on the outcome].”

This approach demonstrates maturity, problem-solving skills, and a commitment to teamwork – all essential for a senior role.

Another standard answer:

1. With proper respect, we can calmly present the pros and cons of each approach.
2. After hearing each other well, we can summarize the points and try to reach a proper solution.
3. During the discussion, it should be targeted towards the subject, and never targeted towards any person.
4. If the matter is more complicated and we cannot reach a solution, then calmly list the pros and cons of each approach, and email or talk to the tech lead or the manager.
5. No matter what solution is used, don’t get emotional about it — not every situation can be perfect and usually, there are tradeoffs. So go with the solution that the tech lead or manager proposed, and do the best that you can.

Which type of conflict is good for team development?

https://www.quora.com/Which-type-of-conflict-is-good-for-team-development

I’m kind of an iconoclast on this one. I LIKE stress and conflict - as long as it’s honest.

Difficult problems, hard deadlines - good stress, that focuses the mind, and ones application of time.

Design review as competitive sport, among competent peers - I WANT folks to find holes in my work, before committing time & effort to implementation. I EXPECT to do my best work, preparing for a design review, and I DEMAND that folks not only find holes, but suggest ways to plug them. I try to welcome suggestions for alternative approaches, and for enhancements - that make my work better (yes.. pride of authorship does get in the way). And, when on the reviewing side of the table, I do my damndest to find, poke, and plug holes; and to suggest alternatives & improvements.

Now… throw one unprepared, incompetent into the mix - particularly one with an aggressive case of Dunning-Kruger Syndrome (i.e., full of themself) - and it can all turn to shit, very quickly. Put that person into a management role - where they control schedules, budgets, salaries, bonuses, etc. - and you have a recipe for disaster. (No.. kicking folks upstairs, to keep them out of trouble, doesn’t work.) Give me a relentless, but competent, asshole - as a team member, as a manager, as a CEO - any day of the week.

TODO

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/ExperiencedDevs/comments/q57vrn/how_do_you_deal_with_conflicts_that_arise_in/
2. https://www.reddit.com/r/startups/comments/lnmrr9/how_do_you_deal_with_it_when_the_team_disagrees/
3. https://dzone.com/articles/conflict-resolution-strategies-for-dev-teams

If you played a part in the conflict, just own it

A lot of times when it comes to conflicts, they develop because of misunderstandings. It’s really important to take that step back. You really can’t take a whole week necessarily to get back to people, but take a minute and make sure that you understand all the facts. Because, most of the time, we jump to assumptions. We just think that something is happening because of a, b and c. When you have all the facts, you realize that, maybe there is more to this situation. If there is a conflict, and it’s maybe something that you did. Owning it is really important. If you did do something, don’t cover it up. Just own it. And then talk about how you’re going to not have the situation happen again. Sometimes, conflicts happen because of things we’ve done, and sometimes conflicts happen because of what we’ve seen others in our organizations do.

If you’re having an issue or a concern or conflict, that’s inevitable with any new role, new company. Start a dialogue with your main point of contact. Have a trigger conversation. Take a couple hours or maybe the next day. Flush out the main issue, potentially where it stems from, and bullet point your main thoughts around it. But have a trigger conversation with someone that can give you a non-biased, open, transparent conversation. The last thing you want is to just ruminate, or dwell on a situation. If you ruminate, it is a continuous conflict.

You can’t change an organization faster or slower than it wants to change

That really means that when you’re dealing with either a business unit conflict or two co-workers having a conflict, or a co-worker and a boss is having a conflict, you can’t upset that balance any faster than they want to change. So if there’s a conflict, the best that you can do is be professional. Focus on what brings value and what helps you - keep you employed. But realize that you’ve got to be watchful, you’ve got to have your eyes out. Because, there are going to be potential landmines, like interpersonal conflicts, that you have to watch out for. You’ve got to be extra aware of how you come across and whether you’re trying to push an organization or a person to change too fast or too slow.

Tags

Example Conflicts or Contentious topics that teammates get into